So, now I am curled up with some hot chocolate and the laptop, supposedly finishing the taxes, listening to an amazing thunderstorm. But I've been interrupted several times by a 3 year old who has to go potty. This should be a good thing right? But when do I put on the brakes? He is still in a diaper at night. He can go several hours during the day and stay dry - yet he can't make it 20 minutes in bed without needing to use the potty? And when I tell him that ‘he just went’ he tells me, "but my pee pee is almost coming out" (it's really quite darling to hear). He goes potty and he does tinkle a bit each time. So - now what?! I know it's a stall tactic. And I finally (after the fourth time) told him that he was not allowed back up with the threat of punishment. But that doesn't feel quite right either, like he is getting in trouble for just doing what I've asked all along. Catch 22. By the way, he often does this with po*ping, too. He waits until nap/bed time and goes just a little, so that I have to change him... and then he does it again. Stinker! (and again - do I punish him for po*ping?) All right, moms. I'll be looking for advice in my comments section.
Ok - lighter fare.
Andrew's monster track!
AJ and his buddy, Noah.
Andrew and his cousin, Gideon - finishing off some brownie batter.
My MOPS craft.
What's Up Doc?
2 comments:
ok, let's try this again - maybe this post will actually stick around and find it's way to you! (keeping my fingers crossed) now, let's see if i can remember what i said the first time! it went something like this:
we just went through almost this exact same thing w/ isaac. he still does the bedtime/naptime 'gotta go' routine, so i completely know how frustrating that can be...especially when they're having accidents all day long! but, while it might be partially a stall tactic, i think it's also partly the wiring of the mind of a boy. little boys are so busy during the day - their minds are occupied with cars and trains and pirate swords and all other forms of coolness. there's no room in their very full, very busy little brains for such mundain things as potty sensations. so, i think that when they lay down and have nothing occupying them, they become overly aware of the sensation of having to go. trust me, i have learned from experience that trying to 'discipline' this out of them is pointless - not gonna change - it's just the way it is until they really GET it. and consider, that little guys his age have control over very little in their lives. potty & eating are really their only 2 hold-outs right now. trying to battle him for control of that is taking on a losing battle! no matter how much yelling, talking, punishing you do, if he wants to hold it until he gets off the potty, he can!
so, while you're waiting for him to get it, i would suggest talking to andrew. tell him that since he's doing such a good job going potty at bedtimes, you just know that he is ready to start going more during the day. here's what we did - we used a kitchen timer. we set it for every 30 minutes, and when it would beep, isaac would have to stop what he was doing long enough to try to go potty. he didn't always go - and he still had accidents in between. (very frustrating, i know, but TRY not to take it personally and get mad about it...more on that in a sec). i think using the timer does 3 very important things: 1)it begins to form a habit of thinking about going potty in the midst of every-day life, 2) in the times that he actually does go, it begins to reinforce the connection between the sensation to go and actually going in the potty, and 3)it establishes a very clear message that this is your expectation for him. it will probably still take a while. keep at it, even when you think it's not working, because one day, miraculously, he will just begin to get it, and it will start to fall into place.
so, after my 3rd time around w/ potty training, this is my best advice to you:
-be consistent
-don't take it personally. he's not having accidents to make you mad. he loves you and wants nothing more than to please you. this is just all new to him & it takes time to train his brain & his body to work together at it.
-don't have any expectations of what he SHOULD be doing. even if you think, 'i know he knows what's going on. why isn't he doing it?' or 'why can he do it sometimes, and not others?'
-be patient. he will get it soon enough.
hope this isn't too much 'advice.' just my 2 cents, and what i've found to be consistent among all 3 of the kids, even though very different approaches worked for each of them. if i would have known this stuff BEFORE i went through it, i might have saved myself a lot of frustration and stress! hope this helps!
I hope you didn't write all that the first time and then lose it all. :) I really appreciate you writing this. We did the timer thing for quite a while and like you said, it worked great. In fact, he was doing so great, that now we've stopped and I just ask when I think of it or obviously when he tells me he needs to go. But I like what you mentioned about him just lying there 'aware' - that really makes sense. And we may just go back to the timer for a bit, too. Just for more 'practice'. Thanks so much for commenting on this!
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